


Start this bitch.

by cry_ptid



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: also did this for someone on tumblr as a prompt, au where the sparrow academy dont exist, but like written okay, cant believe i have 2 tag this but no incest thats gross, diego is done, everyone is done actually, five and allison r bad bitches who like sweet food and commit crime, five is a little shit, lila is a bad bitch i had to include her, they saved the world yayyy, this is kinda just crack tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:29:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28615857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cry_ptid/pseuds/cry_ptid
Summary: Five finally has freedom, and decides to use it in the best way.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	Start this bitch.

**Author's Note:**

> Set at the end of season 2 but in an alternate universe where the sparrow academy doesnt exist and they saved the world, because they deserve to be happy fUCK 
> 
> anyway ignore how ooc they all are please thanks asdfgh

Five lay on his bed, the palms of his hands pressed to his eyes in a hopeless attempt to erase the imprints of his siblings' dead faces, as the sound of the television drifted from the living room to his bedroom.

The opening notes of Johnny B. Goode sliced through the air as the sliver of a memory made it's way to the front of Five's mind. It was the time their Father had gone away for the weekend and Allison had insisted on them all watching a movie together. They ended up watching the Back to the Future, not because they wanted to, but because they couldn't decide what to watch between them and so had to play rock paper scissors. Surprisingly for them all, Luther won, and they had to suffer with the consequences.

Fifteen minutes into the movie Klaus had gotten bored and insisted on doing Ben's nails, which Ben begrudgingly agreed to. Vanya had brought a book to read, glancing up at the television screen occasionally when something interesting happened. Diego, Luther, and Allison were watching the movie, enjoying the- rather poor, in Five's opinion- plot. And Five was, of course, complaining about all of the inaccuracies of the time travel whilst eating popcorn. 

Despite the shitty movie, it had been a good day, and the last movie he would watch for a long time.

Until now, of course. Now he could watch as many movies as he wished. Now, he had no people to kill, he had no world to save, he had...nothing? 

Five Hargreeves, for once in the fifty eight years of his life, had nothing important to do.

_And he fucking loved it._

He wasnt sure whether it was because he'd just woken up from a 12 hour nap, or maybe because he had actually succeeded in stopping the apocalypse, but he felt alive? He felt more alive than he had in a long time, more alive than somebody in his shoes should feel that's for sure.

"It's probably all the caffeine you've overdosed on finally taking effect."

Five smiled, "Thanks Dolores."

With great determination, Five wrapped his blanket around his shoulders like a cape, and blinked into the living room.

"Five! I was starting to think you'd sleep through the whole day," Allison smiled up at him widely from the sofa as he looked on, face blank, "Uh Five? You alright buddy?"

"Did I ever tell you how glad I am that you're not dead?" 

"No but uh-"

"Because I am. Extremely glad."

Allison looked at him worriedly, getting up off of the sofa to press a hand against his forehead.

"Well you don't have a temperature," Allison looked him in the eyes, "your pupils are a normal size...have you been drinking? You know you have almost zero alcohol tolerance-"

"I haven't been drinking Allison," Five looked at her, almost fondly, "I just can't believe I actually did it. After all those years stuck in the apocalypse, and then at the commission, it feels almost surreal. We can do whatever we want to now. There's nothing to save and nobody to boss us around. It's so freeing. Like look-" Five hastily grabbed a jar of marshmallow fluff off of the counter and spooned some into his mouth, "Dad isn't shouting at me for being unhealthy," Five swallowed the fluff and grinned almost menacingly, "we can do whatever we want Allison." 

Allison grinned a grin to rival Five's, "Well when you put it like that..." she got up from the couch and made her way to the freezer, pulling out a huge carton of ice cream, "Wanna have a movie marathon?"

"Only if we can watch Back to the Future," Five agreed, already grabbing a spoon. 

Allison raised an eyebrow, "Didn't you used to hate that movie?" 

"I wouldn't say I _hated_ it, it's just the way they portrayed time travel was completely inaccurate, I mean who would even think to travel in a car? It's idiotic." 

"That's fair," Allison responded, clearly amused as she searched for the movie on Netflix, "Alright you ready?" 

"Start this bitch."

  
"This was a mistake, I think I'm gonna throw up."

Five groaned in agreement, stretching out on the couch like a cat and only half paying attention to the movie on screen (some shitty coming of age movie they'd put on to make fun of.) They had finished the ice cream half way into Back to the Future, and had decided to raid the pantry for snacks. However Five and Allison, being the only two siblings to share a sweet tooth, had gone slightly overboard.

"What the fuck happened to you two?" Diego entered the room with Lila who whistled through her teeth.

"Damn you two really like sweet shit, huh?"

Allison groaned again in response, as Five attempted to sit up only to flop straight back down.

"How long have you two even been doing this?" Diego asked, his Motherly instincts kicking in as he started to collect the rubbish off of the table.

"About," Allison glanced at the time on her phone, "eight hours."

Five snorted out a laugh at the look on Diego's face. 

"What the hell Five!?" 

"There's no Dad anymore Diego. We can do whatever the fuck we want."

Allison hummed in agreement.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean you can do unhealthy shit like this!"

"To be fair," Lila interrupted, "has your family ever done anything healthy?"

Diego opened and shut his mouth, gaping like a fish.

"At least our Mother isn't a murdering bitch," Five muttered, smirking.

"Do you really want to bring parents into this?"

"...Touché."

"You're missing the point," Diego said harshly.

"The point _is_ Diego, that I'm having my first ever movie marathon and you're interrupting it, so either leave with your girlfriend or join us." 

Diego turned to Lila, as she shrugged.

"Fucking fine, but we're not watching this shit," he said, snatching the remote off of Five as he and Lila sat on the other couch. 

"That's fair."

  
Later, in the early hours of the morning, Diego and Lila both asleep and snoring on the other couch, Five shuffled closer to Allison. 

"Thank you." 

Allison patted his head lightly, obviously delirious from the lack of sleep. 

"Of course. We're family after all Five and whether you want to watch shitty movies or help hiding a body, I'll always be there for you buddy."

Five chuckled, "I don't think the second one will be necessary any time soon, but thank you."

Allison hummed in response, already falling asleep, and Five allowed himself to close his eyes too.

The next day, Five awoke from a dreamless sleep with a migraine and tooth ache. He couldn't bring himself to say that he regretted it.

**Author's Note:**

> Get Five Therapy 2k21


End file.
